New year, new fears: “Mom, were those fireworks or bombs?”
- Robyn Fidanque
- Jan 6
- 4 min read
Last Saturday, I woke up sweating in the middle of the night thanks to an nightmare and reached for my phone (I know… bad habit). My heart sank when I saw local news pages on Facebook, 'posted three minutes ago', claiming that Venezuela was under attack by the U.S. I watched as more and more videos of the bombings were posted until the sun came up🥴.
This had been in the back of my mind for some time now. We all had a feeling it was just a matter of time. That constant terror, the possibility of war, has been hanging in the air for a while. But at roughly 440 km away, this hits differently. A little too close to home.
I’ll spare you the details of how I went to Mangusa at 7:15 a.m. and bought way more groceries than necessary 🙃… My best friend and I were already talking early that morning, sorting through how we were feeling, and we both sighed and agreed: it’s going to be another period of fear, uncertainty, and anxiety… well, shit!
2020 Corona vibes. All over again 😩.
My next thought was the kids. Not only mine, as a mom, but also as a teacher. I know what this kind of tension means at school. We adults are busy processing all of this ourselves. Still, our young ones will look to us for cues, safety, and meaning.
Here are 5 practical tips to help you support our kids and teens as they process what’s happening:
1. Be mentally prepared for different reactions (definitely different from yours).I made sure that morning to wake up my 16-year-old daughter and tell her what had happened myself. She was shocked at first, then worried about a friend who has family in Venezuela. But she quickly minimized it and said the people of Venezuela are happy it happened; they’ve been oppressed for such a long time. It’s going to be okay. This will last just a few days. And she went back to sleep, meanwhile, I continued to panic inside 🫥…
My 11-year-old son was sleeping at his grandma’s, so I texted him. He’s been stressing about the possibility of war for a while, first Ukraine, then Palestine, and now Venezuela. During New Year’s, he told me all the fireworks were making him nervous because he didn’t know whether they were fireworks or bombs. So that morning, I asked if he was okay, and he said no, and said be this probably means our airways and shipping will be closed, we won’t have enough food, and we’re going to starve to death (which reminded me of what my mom always used to tell me as a kid: “overdrijven is ook een kunst”).
I told him I knew he was going to think like that and took a snapshot of the ridiculous amount of food in the fridge and cupboards and told him not to worry, we’re okay for the next three weeks. We have chickens for eggs, my brother has fish, my mom has cows, we’re not going to starve that easily.
In short, some kids will ask a thousand questions, others will crack jokes, withdraw, or seem completely unbothered. All of these are normal. Their reaction doesn’t say anything about how much they care; it says something about how they cope.
2. Make room for them to talk about what’s happening and how they feel, but don’t wallow. Listen. Validate (this is not the same as agreeing, but showing understanding and making room for what is being said). Reflect back what you hear (“I hear that you’re worried, scared, etc.”). At the same time, keep an eye on the balance. We want space for feelings, not a spiral. It’s okay to gently guide the conversation forward.
3. When reassuring, don’t make promises you can’t uphold.
Avoid statements like “It will be over soon” or “It’s not that bad.” Instead, leave room for uncertainty while anchoring them in the present:
“We’re together.”
“We’re safe right now.”
“Adults around you are paying attention and taking care of things.”
Your calm matters more than perfect words or promises.
And if you are not calm enough to do this, that’s okay. Let that be known and seek another adult with whom you can talk and sort through your own feelings first. Do not do this with the kids. You will give them a load they cannot and should not carry, and it will only make them feel unsafe.
4. Focus on what is in our control.
After talking, shift gears. Suggest a fun activity; something grounding, something familiar. Routine is regulating. Then, model doing what needs to be done. Life continues, even when the world feels shaky. But be compassionate if attention and results are not what they used to be.
5. Watch behavior, not just words.
Stress often shows up sideways: trouble sleeping, irritability, stomachaches, clinginess, zoning out. Don’t rush to “fix” it. Stay curious, offer connection, and keep checking in. Sometimes the real conversation comes later, while drawing, driving, or doing dishes.
We can’t take the uncertainty away. And we are probably scared ourselves. But we can simultaneously be brave, show up, and be steady anyway. Right now, that’s enough to help our kids cope with uncertainty.
Bon aña alsnog! 💖
Let me know how your kids reacted in the comments below 👇🏼
Thank you for putting words to what so many of us are feeling but struggling to articulate. Especially the reminder that our kids don’t need perfect answers they need presence, honesty, and steadiness.